THE NEW COSMOS TIMES

(’09)

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-The news is devastating!!

-Planet Earth has exploded
& instantly became a super-nova.
The Official Cosmos Coroner
has ruled it to be a rare case
of planet suicide.

-What started out as a paradise
became an unmanageable agglomeration
of over 20 billion earthlings,
many of whom were very adept
at causing harm to others.

-Following the worldwide
financial collapse of 2084
& continentswide riots of 2090,
during which 57 million perished,
Earth’s free-fall accelerated
& the planet was doomed.

-Earthlings were very well known
in the universe,
for their lavish life-style
& extreme poverty.

-Said Interplanetary News commentator
Walter Craterkite,
“What a shame! Most Earth people
appeared to be good people…
it was their talent for stupidity,
and their machines,
that finished them.”

-A universe-wide service
is being held today
in memory of the late Earth people,
their planet,
& their dreams.

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