H 2 0

-On a perfect Sunday afternoon
the toilet returns some of my shit…
I grab my phallic plunger,
but after an intense workout,
I realize it’s impotent.

-With visions of a fast-talking plumber
charging me by the millisecond,
I decide to fix it myself.

*’Aurora Tissue!
miss your two layers of softness,
pastel on brown…’

-I shut off the water
and empty the tank & bowl,
disconnect the pipes,
then set the tank down carefully
on yesterday’s Herald Examiner.

*News item: The typical user
of a flush toilet requires
13 thousand gallons
of fresh water a year, to carry away
165 gallons of body wastes.

-I take off the bolts
that hold the bowl to the floor
& jar it enough to break the seal at the bottom.
I set it down easy, out of the way,
then insert the snake & turn it rapidly,
clearing the obstruction.

*In a corner of an outhouse
in my uncle’s farm in the Dominican,
instead of paper there were hundreds
of smoothed-out corn-cobs of all sizes.

-I take out the snake and place a new wax seal
around the head of the main pipe,
set the bowl on it & re-install the bolts.
I put the tank back on and re-connect
the water pipes, then test flush it.

-Moments later I stand proud over my work
and donate to it a very grateful half-a-pint.

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